Obviously my belongings have sex when I'm sleeping...

Because the more I get rid of the more I seem to have.

I have a LOT of stuff. I used to be a saver. Grandma was a pack-rat and so is my Dad. So I've tried not to save too much. But I do. Not "Hoarders" or even close but there is just a lot of things involved with having 3 kids.

I have given away or sold a TON of stuff. When we moved here I gave about 7 Rubbermaid bins of clothes to a local service agency for refugee families and their kids. This was 7 bins of kids clothes, boys, up to about size 6. I buy a lot of clothes for my kids... I don't do that anymore.

I've given to The Salvation Army, neighbors, co-workers of my ex, Goodwill, friends, FreeCycle, total strangers. I've sold at consignment shops, eBay, on Craigslist and yard sales. A friend purchased a bunch of things from me. Yet I still have too many things. I sent a bunch of stuff with my husband when we split up.

Books, gave away hundreds to various people and places. Now I only save a few. Magazines, I drop at the library when I'm done.

I think I'm doing OK but....

My family recently sold my Grandmother's house. She had a lot of Christmas decorations. My parents no longer go crazy decorating for Christmas. They had a lot of decorations. My sister converted to Judaism about 25 years ago. She had a lot of Christmas ornaments. Guess where they all are? Yeah. You got it. I, literally, have enough ornaments for about 4 trees. And most of them mean a so much. The ones from my Grandparent's are easily 60+ years old, the ones from my parents are full of memories. My ex and I never went out and bought a box of generic ornaments. Everything has a story. He took some this year for his tree but wants to return them. I've given a few away to friends. I'll put away a bunch for my kids (who I've already started purchasing an ornament for each year that they'll get when they have their own place.) My nephew (the reason my sister converted) shows no signs of getting married. I've told him when he does she can't be Jewish; I simply have too many ornaments. He finds that funny.

Thank God I'm organized because it could get ugly very quickly. I've worked really hard to overcome my "I have to save this" forever tendencies. I've recently become enamored of people who live in small houses with very little "stuff". I'm working my way towards that. Slowly. I finally realized that most of the things I have I don't want. So big, huge yard sale this spring. Get rid of things, make some money, all good. Now I just have to stop things from coming into my house. And teach my belongings safe sex...

I'm Tired of the Pettiness...

We share custody 50/50 with the kids alternating weeks with us. It was my idea and I thought it was a fantastic one.

It's not.

It sucks.

The boys are not doing well in school.

My daughter frequently tells me "I want us all to be in the same house"

I don't get copies of school papers, announcements, invitations, etc. from the week their with their dad.

Per mediation I started sending a weekly email about what went on during the week and any future events that I knew about. No response.

I told him I was going to give him either the originals or copies of all the papers that came in so he could see what was happening and hoped he would do the same. Nope.

Part of me thinks I should let it go but god damn it! I want to know what's going on when my kids aren't with me and I don't.

When I bring this up to their dad he says "You wanted this divorce, you got what you wanted, my anger is justified. I think I'm doing a good job."

And for 6 months I've tried to be patient that they'll get their routine and things will smooth out. Well, it hasn't happened and my kids are suffering.

So I'm going to tell my lawyer I want one of us to have primary custody with the other parent seeing them on weekends and school breaks. I HATE the idea of this schedule but I feel stuck. I also hate the idea that there is a chance I might be the weekend parent but I think asking that I be the primary parent is just asking for a battle that my kids would be dragged into. As I write this I still am not sure I'm doing the right thing but I feel helpless when I watch my kids suffer.

I'm tired of the pettiness. I'm tired of being the only one who thinks school is important. Who thinks they need their teeth cleaned regularly. Who really doesn't want them sitting in front of a TV/Computer/Video System all day.

I think I probably sound whiny and sorry for myself. I'm not. I started this process and I knew it wouldn't be easy. I just didn't realize how mad he would be. He didn't love me, didn't want to try to patch things up, had no interest in doing anything as a couple or a family. I always thought he was just waiting for me to make the first move. I now think he just would have stayed until, well...who knows.